Yesterday "Amber" of the previous post decided to stop studying with me.  There had been a spiritual battle for a few weeks.  After talking with Amber's Adventist neighbor, and guidance from the Holy Spirit, I decided to do a study which puts the heart of God on display.  It's based on David Asscherick's The Heart of God class at ARISE* and also his book God in Pain. The Bible tells us in 1 John 4:8 that God is love.  He is not simply loving but is love.  Once we accurately define love, we can better grasp God's character of love.  For the sake of time while writing this blog (as blogs can take me hours to write) I will be brief.  It all points to the cross.  How do we know that all things work together for good?  (Romans 8:28)  The evidence is the cross.  The very heart of God displayed.  It revealed what was in God's heart from the beginning (Romans 1:16, 17).  I ended with Romans 8:32--"He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?"  The cross says that God is for us!  If God has already given everything, why would He then withhold anything?

So I get to Amber's house.  Her dog was sprayed by a skunk (very lightly).  A quick text to my dad solved the proportions for the baking soda and peroxide mixture in which to bathe the dog.  Then Amber told me that she was going to join the Baptist church in town and go to the Bible study before church, and not study with me anymore.  I wasn't surprised, but my heart sank.  I have seen Amber grow by leaps and bounds.  She now has a really good foundation for learning Bible truth.  We chit chatted some more and then I said "well, shall we study?"  We did the study.  She was visibly touched.  And those large, curious eyes which always had frequent eye contact with me were lowered and filled with tears.  At the end she prayed, repeating after me, to have Jesus fully in control of her life.  Bittersweet. 

Warning: this is a rough (as in not polished) blog, because I am writing in haste.  I don't believe there is anything more I could have done to keep Amber studying.  But it makes me angry.  It makes me angry that she will go to the Baptist church and learn about a God who torments people forever in the flames of hell.  That once you're saved you don't have to worry about anything...because you can never fall away.  That suddenly all the believers will disappear in a secret rapture.  I know she knows that is not true because when she watched the "Left Behind" movies she told me how funny they were because it wasn't true.  "People believe that?"  Yes...the church which you are now going to join believes that.  It makes me angry (not the throwing glass bottles against a wall kind) that the lady who I care about so much could possibly be led to deception.  Please join me in prayer that she will remember the things we have studied in the Bible.  That she won't simply believe what the preacher or teacher says.  That something will happen and that she will want to study again.  That she will still have the sincere desire to know truth and most importantly the God who revealed His love in a Savior upon the cross.   

Hanging upon the cross Christ was the gospel.**

*For a full length sermon on the topic visit here, but if you want to experience the full length class then go here :).

**{6BC 1113.1}

$3.11

Today was an interesting day.  Here are three snippets.

This first snippet will be just that--a snippet.  I had a really tough Bible study on death.  Pray for her and me!

As I drove to the next study I reflected.  Why doesn't she understand what the Bible is saying?  What is holding her back?  I tried to get a hold of myself as I fought back tears.  Part of me dreaded going to Amber's (name changed) because she is in a fragile state.  She postponed studying until after the holidays.  Originally she wanted to stop studying, but then changed her mind.  God help me to concentrate on this next study!  Give me Your Holy Spirit!  I knocked on the door.  Amber opened the door and her dog greeted me as usual.  We talked about our holidays and such and then she started to open up.  "Becker," she said in her Boston accent, "I'm just not getting anything out of the direction I'm going in and what we're studying."  She went on to say that she doesn't feel a connection with God or anything emotional like she thought she would.  She talked about how she envied her neighbor (an SDA church member) who has a connection with Christ.  She's read the book of John but she's not "getting it."  She and a friend are going to try and start going to different churches to see if she can find what she's missing.  She doesn't think she's gotten very far because she's such a "dummy."  This I thought was the most profound--how she doesn't understand the love God has for her, because she doesn't understand love.  This began an hour long heart to heart.  I explained how we shouldn't base our faith on feeling.  I was able to share much of what I am experiencing in my own life right now.  Funny how that works.  She asked me I if I felt that connection with God when I went to church.  I explained how God wants us to go to church to be with fellow believers and worship Him.  But it is dangerous to go to church to have an emotional high through the experience we have there or the music. I shared with her, from the outside, how much I've seen her grow.  From the first study till now, she has grown leaps and bounds.  But it's been a process.  She went on to say, "I swear like a sailor.  If I had a connection with Jesus, I wouldn't be swearing!"  "Amber," I say, "Have you ever asked God to help you stop swearing?"  "No..."  Have you ever felt remorse for swearing before?"  She hesitated.  "Well...no..."  "That's the Spirit of God working in your life!  He would rather that you not swear because it doesn't glorify Him.  He's convicting you about it.  So next time listen to Him and say "I'm sorry God, help me not to do it again.""   

Now here's the thing.  I don't just go to random people's houses and have things to talk about for an hour.  I have no idea how all of the words came tumbling out of my mouth.  Actually, I do.  God prompted me to say things and sent verses to my mind.  And of course, now, I can't remember half of what I said.  But I pray that the Spirit of God brings these things to her remembrance and gently softens that stony heart of hers.  That He "will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her."    

Amber doesn't see how right she is.  How we all have a heart of stone, every one of us, save the vivifying power of the Holy Spirit.  How we all struggle to make our connection with God a matter of the heart, and not just a matter of the head.  How we try and pray but get distracted.  How we are all like Amber at times, trying to get somewhere on our own--but find it's not working.  Because it doesn't work.  But there is hope!

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh."

(Emphasis mine)

I think these two studies are at a pivotal point.  I think that God is leading them both to make a decision.  To heed His voice, or to ignore it.  Pray that they listen. 

After that study with Amber I went to her neighbors' house to use their bathroom (very important!) and to tell them how it went.  The neighbor will visit Amber this week and let me know how it goes on Sabbath.  Then I'll go back to Amber's next Tuesday.

Snippet 3:  As I left their neighborhood I breathed a heavy sigh, emotionally exhausted from the day.  I remembered I had to get gas and to stop at the gas station which had it for $3.11, the cheapest I saw as I had driven through town earlier.  I pulled into the gas station and stopped at one of the pumps, only to notice that it said "FULL," meaning full service.  I do not want full service.  I glanced over at the worker filling someone's car and rolled my eyes to myself.  I turned my car around to stop at the pump labeled "SELF."  I inserted my card.  Denied.  I inserted it again, remembering to pull it out QUICKLY.  (What's up with the "quickly" part, anyway?)  Again, denied.  And a third time, denied.  Frustrated and tired, I pulled my car up to the next pump, only to notice it had a bag over the handle.  Out of service.  So after much heeming and hawing around the snow bank, I pulled my car to the other side of the pumps.  I WILL get gas for $3.11, I thought to myself.  First pump--bag over the handle.  Out of service.  Next pump--bag over the handle.  Out of service.  What is with this gas station?!  Whatever!!  I will go to the other one and pay $3.12!  I did not even care that the man who worked there was watching me in this whole ordeal.  As I inched around the snow bank to see if traffic was clear, I glanced up at the huge sign.  "$3.19."  Ohhhh.  That's funny, I was at wrong gas station.  8 cents more expensive.  I laughed to myself.  Thank you, God!  I drove down the road to the correct gas station.  Sure enough, the bright sign blared at me.  "$3.11.  I care about you."  -God.

love me, love my cat

I'd like to introduce you to a friend I've known for a few months. She's of the furry feline variety. Meet Clara, named after Clara Josephine Wieck, a German composer. You might better know her as Robert Schumann's wife, or possibly the object of Brahms' unrequited love.

Clara came from the host of Bibleworking friends in NY. When I first brought her home she promptly ran under my bed and hid there for 3 hours. (umm, yes, I make no apologies for changing her name from "Reba." The orange hair, possibly? Yuck. Now she is named after a more sophisticated musician.)

After I finally got her out I stuffed the edge with pillows so she couldn't go under there. So she took to hiding under the couch.

She has since stolen my heart,


but still likes to hide in/under things. Isn't she cute?!


Pardon the grainy quality--many were taken on my cell phone.


 
This is her favorite chair.

She's my beloved companion--even when she's in a typical-independent-cat mood.


She, of course, is a good Adventist cat.
"Train up a cat in the way she should go..." Isn't that how it goes?

She also is very helpful when I am knitting...


So, until my knight in shining armor appears, it's just me and Clara :D

Who is worthy?

This past Sabbath I had the privilege to start studying the Bible with a girl in high school. It was a wonderful study--she was eager with many questions, and clearly had a desire to know more and to follow Jesus. But after that study I had this incredible feeling that I was unworthy. Unworthy to have the sacred task of leading someone to Jesus. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I don't say it in the right way? What about all the growth that needs to happen? What if I mess it up? I felt a huge, overwhelming burden and responsibility weighing on me. Then I remembered Jesus. Surrender her to Jesus. Jesus is worthy.

"Then I saw a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, "Who is worthy to open the scroll and to loose its seals?" So I wept much, because no one was found worthy to open and read the scroll, or to look at it. But one of the elders said to me, "Do not weep. Behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has prevailed to open the scroll and to loose its seven seals."

"Woirthy is the Lamb who was slain to receive power and riches
and wisdom, and strength and honor and glory and blessing!"

I'm so glad that Jesus uses a sinful human being like me to share the sweet gospel message. I'm so glad that Jesus is worthy.

"Then the four living creatures said "Amen!" and the twenty-four

elders fell down and worshiped Him who lives forever and ever."

.

"I have set before you an open door"*

*Revelation 3:8

As I was driving home today, a thought popped into my mind which brought a smile to my face. What would it be like to knock on doors in Heaven or on the New Earth? A scenario played out in my mind...

knock knock knock knock knock

A woman opens the door with a pleasant smile on her face.

"Hi, my name is Bekah, and this is my Guardian Angel. We're in the neighborhood today doing a community religious survey and we're wondering if you could answer a few questions?"

Friendly neighbor: "Sure! Please, come in! My name is Rahab. Can I get you a glass of fresh pomegranate juice?"

"Yes, we'd love some, thank you."

We settle ourselves in the spotless living room. Bright, glorious light floods in the large windows.

Rahab: "Now what did you want to ask me?"

Bekah: "Well our first question is, do you think there is perfect morality here on the New Earth?"

Rahab: "Oh, of course," she says with a smile and a sparkle in her sapphire eyes.

Bekah: "What do you think the reason for that is?"

Rahab: "Well, the spotless Lamb has taken our place and eradicated sin forever. We do not "enjoy the passing pleasures of sin" here.

Bekah: "Ok. The next question is, was it worth it to live a life of toil on the Old Earth to enjoy life here on the New Earth?"

Rahab: "Without a doubt. Nothing could have been too hard to bear compared to life here with Jesus. "And what more shall I say? For the time would fail me to tell of Gideon and Barak and Samson and Jephthah, also of David and Samuel and the prophets: who through faith subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. Women received their dead raised to life again. Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented—of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and mountains, in dens and caves of the earth. And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise, God having provided something better for us, that they should not be made perfect apart from us." Time would fail me...but then again, we have all eternity. I'm sure you'd like to get others' opinions, though."

Bekah: Mmmhmm, according to your understanding, who is Jesus?

Rahab: "Jesus is not only the Son of God, my Savior, and Creator--but I've gotten to know Him on a new level since we've moved here. I love to sit at His feet and listen to His stories. I love to walk with Him here in my garden. I love to trace the scars in His hands. It fills my heart with warmth and love."

Bekah: "I love your scarlet flowers growing down the stone wall, by the way. Do you feel that you know God as well as you would like to?"

Rahab: "Thanks! And no! But I'm getting to know Him better every day."

Bekah: "If you had the opportunity, would you like to spend more time with God?"

Rahab: "Oh, absolutely."

Bekah: "Great! Well we're having a praise meeting at my house on Thursday evenings. Jesus will be directing the orchestra. Would you like to come?"

Rahab: "I'd love to!"


Heaven. The New Earth. A place "whose builder and maker is God." Where everyone wants to know God better. A place where there's no lamp and no sun, "for the Lord God gives them light." A place where "the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new." I can't wait for that day!


Until then, I knock on doors.

Memories of a yellow dress

*At ARISE we had to preach a 10 minute sermon, so the following is basically what I shared with my classmates. I did my sermon on Esther. I've loved the story of Esther ever since I was a little girl. The pictures were my favorite to look at in Uncle Arthur's "Bible Story" books. Esther appears before the king in a beautiful yellow dress. I just opened the book up again to admire the picture. Yep, still as lovely as I remember. Only now...I see it with different eyes.

The story of Esther starts off with King Ahasuerus, king of Medo-Persia having a party. In a drunken revelry he's deposes Queen Vashti from her throne. Therefore, he needs to find a new queen. "Then the king’s servants who attended him said: Let beautiful young virgins be sought for the king; and let the king appoint officers in all the provinces of his kingdom, that they may gather all the beautiful young virgins to Shushan the citadel, into the women’s quarters, under the custody of Hegai the king’s eunuch, custodian of the women. And let beauty preparations be given them. Then let the young woman who pleases the king be queen instead of Vashti...” (Esther 2:1-4, NKJV). The king thinks this is a pretty good idea, so he does it (2:4).

As a response to the king's command, a young Jewish captive named Esther makes her way down to the palace. Maybe she was excited. Maybe she has doubts about leaving Mordecai. I can imagine that she felt like she wasn't ready to be a queen. As Esther joins the young women from around the kingdom, they have to go through a preparation time-- "Each young woman’s turn came to go in to King Ahasuerus after she had completed twelve months’ preparation" (2:12). When Esther goes before the king, he loves her more than any of the other women. "So he set the royal crown upon her head and made her queen instead of Vashti" (2:17).

Allow me to depart from the story of Esther for a moment. God was searching for willing people to be soulwinners for Him. He led you here to ARISE. You may have had doubts as you were sitting on the plane. I did. I remember sitting in the airport thinking, What am I doing? I'm leaving everything behind. I thought I was crazy. Just as Esther was chosen, we've been chosen by a King to be His missionaries--we've been equipped. We went through a preparation time--four months of classes, experiences, and lessons learned.

Let's return to story of Esther.

After Esther is made queen, jealous Haman plots against the Jews to destroy them. A decree is written "to annihilate all the Jews" (3:13). Mordecai hears of this and pleads with Esther that she must go into the King to petition on behalf of her people. His reasoning--"...who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this? (4:14).

Here we see from the story of Esther that a death decree has been issued--it's Esther's job to save her people. In the end times we're going to face a death decree. But I would submit to you that there is already a death decree issued. Romans 6:23 says the wages of sin is death. But we have the good news of a Savior who pardons the death decree. Will you be faithful and accept the responsibility we have as ARISE students and to God to save people from the wages of sin? Will you be faithful like Esther to say "if I perish, I perish," to give everything up, including your very life? To leave ARISE as missionaries for such a time as this?

And after a moment of silent prayer so everyone could respond in their hearts, that's how I ended the sermon. And now...I'm moving to New Hampshire to be a Bibleworker at a church there. And once again, I feel like (I imagine) Esther felt. I'm excited. I'm scared. I have doubts. I think I'm crazy. What am I getting myself into? But then I remember the death decree. The Romans 6:23 death decree. And then I remember my appeal to my fellow classmates at ARISE. I only hope and pray that I can stay faithful to God! Lord help me to stay faithful to You...

Camp Favorites 2009

The skits and passion play. We followed Moses and the Children of Israel to the Promised Land. I was Jochebed. Oh to raise a son like Jochebed. These daily skits all led up to the passion play which was seeing the plan of salvation through Moses' eyes. We saw the power of sin and the greater power of God.



Myers-Briggs. This summer all the staff got into figuring out their Myers-Briggs. It's a personality test. I am an ISFJ--Introvert, Sensing, Feeling, Judging. It cracked me up how we were always talking about it. "Oh, that's because you're an S!" "That was a very J thing to do..." Funny. It helped us to understand one another better. Most of the staff were Introverts. One day Joel came back from his day off to find Kristin reading, Christy off playing the guitar, me off talking with Olivia, and Shannon (one of the few Extroverts) playing volleyball. It had been a long day, I guess!

God time. I've been reading through Prophets and Kings along with the Bible. Right now I'm in Jeremiah and Ezekiel. The most fascinating thing to me is the idea of Israel playing a harlot--cheating on God and becoming like other nations in order to fill their need of a Savior. I pray that I can stay true to God and not search for other things to fulfill me.

The children. I made friends with a four year old girl named Olivia. She would follow me around and sit with me in chapel. "I'm going to pick where we are going to sit, k?" One night in chapel she leaned over and whispered in my ear "I luff you," in her sweet little French accent. What heart wouldn't melt? Jesus says to be like little children. We can learn from their innocence, willingness to trust, and their propensity to follow you where ever you go.


Wakeboarding. Getting up and heading to Barefoot Bay early in the morning when the water is like glass.







Red, Right, Returning! Driving (the Nautique of course) to Fish Creek through the channel is one of my favorite things to do. Water lilies flank the boat on either side as we slip through the no-wake-zone at 5 mph. The whole boat engages in pleasant conversation as we look for ducks, dragon flies, and turtles.


The last-night-of-camp-girl-bonding-activity. Enough said.



Lizzy. Kids camps wouldn't be the same without Lizzy. Lizzy has Down's Syndrome. The entire staff gathered around Lizzy as she left, many eyes glistening with tears.


SPs and NYSPs. We had secret pals amongst the staff. An uproar was created when people received gifts from people who weren't their secret pals! This was dubbed "NYSP," or "Not Your Secret Pal."

Jumping Pictures.

Showering in the lake.







Sleeping in the lean-to. Fresh air is the best.



The Loons.




Seeing God's power. God made Himself known this summer at camp. Getting the bathhouses done by the skin of our teeth, keeping us safe all summer, giving us wisdom, after all, it is His camp.